Well, my 8 year old wildcat Rhiordan had a rough go of February. He made some poor choices at co-op and broke several of the ground rules, which, despite me inventing and owning the co-op, must still apply fairly to all children attending, even my own son. In fact perhaps it is most important that they apply fairly to my own son. So he was suspended for a week.
What this meant for me professionally was, forget about getting any sanctuary work done. Those appliances for your commercial kitchen you needed to research and order? Nope. That project management system you paid several thousand dollars for and are only about 10% onboarded to? Forget about it. Those two buildings that have been waiting on door and window orders for 8 weeks now? Gonna have to wait another week. Because my son was with me, and “being with Rhiordan” is a full-time, hands-on, complete-focus, full-contact sport.
My default reaction was to load him up with chores. The last thing I wanted for this suspension to feel like a vacation full of fun, special things he doesn’t normally get to do. So the first half of each day consisted of him doing as many household chores as I could find or invent. But there is only so much firewood, vacuuming, window washing, porch shoveling, clothes folding, and mail-running a kid can do before our small cabin is immaculate and I am scrambling for the next activity.
I knew maple sugaring season was upon us so I said, this will be our afternoon activity. I tried to make it sound as laborious as possible, talking about the thigh-deep snow we’d have to wade through and the heavy buckets of sap we’d need to schlep.
But the truth was, this was actually super fun for Rhiordan and I, and I knew it would be. We researched a new type of spile we wanted to try this year made of Staghorn Sumac, and foraged, cut, carved, and installed them ourselves. He and his father took an afternoon to bring up the new evaporator we purchased end-of-season last year, and set up the bricks and flue to run a test fire in it. We collected the first baby run of sap on the last day of his suspension, and boiled it down this morning to make a tantalizing first few sips of this season’s maple syrup.
And as we chatted while we carved (about proper knife technique, responsible foraging, and some of his more positive, goofy shenanigans at co-op), high-fived every time we got another tap in, and giggled with glee when we saw the first few cups of sap in the buckets, I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty and wonder – Did I go about this all wrong? Did I make this too fun for him?? Am I spoiling him when I should be punishing him???!
It could be argued. However, I know better. I actually feel that this time together was the *perfect* natural consequence. I’ve come to see a child acting up, similar to an injury aching in your body. If you pinched a nerve, would simply ignoring it, or worse, punishing it, fix anything? Of course we know we must tend to injuries, and we would ice it, rest it, maybe see a doctor or healer if needed. We would care for it. I think a kid acting up, especially out of their usual character, is no different. The misbehaving child is saying, my cup isn’t full Mom. Can you help me fill it? So fill it we did, with the pride of a list full of chores checked off, the joy of slow time spent together, and plenty of sticky sweet maple sap!